Winning over any stress or circumstance is assured by a commitment to the positive powers within ourselves, a strong support system and spiritual forces of love. Discover some of the most powerful words in the table of contents of my book, Family Power…Managing the Challenges…With Words I Never Learned in Any School.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Introduction
response/ability defined—respond differs from react—creating a home of happiness—defining the twelve brain functions necessary—defining success, character, process, partnering, commitment—freedom I Growing in Creativity
how to grow, develop character—defining life & creativity—ethical ecology the essential inner nutrients of growth—attitudes—habits—work—play—aging II Growing in Communications
power of words—rapport—look—listen—laugh—love—lift—the bridge III Growing in Conflict Resolution
competition—bridging the gap—seven C words, habits to resolve conflict—mediation—terrorism IV Growing in Confidence
five powers to grow—trust—respect—defining God—12 spiritual disciplines—self disclosure—self-esteem V Growing in Compassion
suffering—sisters of mercy—sensitivity—forgiveness—grace—healing—13 steps in healing VI Growing in Carefulness
adventure—managing risk—pitfalls—depression—sexual response/ability—chemical dependency—anorexia—boredom VII Growing in Concern
service—needs—humility—leadership VIII Growing in Choice
response/able choice—positive mental attitude—values—conscience—ethics—integrity—evil—sin—legacy IX Growing in Change
stages in life changes—modeling—mentoring—myth—mind (agents of change) X Growing in Control over Stress
general adaptation syndrome—cost of stress—prevention of stress XI Growing in Control over Money
financial freedom—investing wisely—saving—seven habits for financial freedom XII Growing in Control in Family
unity—harmony—security—stability—intimacy—homosexuality—singleness marriage—benefits of marriage—success in family Glossary
18 Laws
About the Author
This book was written for dysfunctional families, persons in prison, those facing divorce, separation, aloness and sickness.
However, even the most excellent families or persons can benefit from the 13C processes to improve and change for the better. There is no such thing as a perfect person or family.
Grow into the virtue of Responsibility by discovering the habitude of Response/ability---the ability to respond, not react to stresses.
Most difficulties in human relations come from reacting---doing what comes naturally by our attitudes and habits which we learned early in life, often before age six. These are maladaptive behaviors.
To change our behaviors, attitudes and habits, we must learn new ways by responding, not reacting, to adapt to most circumstances and adversity.
We need only to activate parts of the brain that haven’t been used, learn the power of new words we never learned in any school.
In the GLOSSARY are 122 words that are difficult to define, never adequately taught in home or school.
FAMILY POWER…comes to us through meeting the challenges of life by learning how to respond (become response/able) and acquiring the virtues of responsibility (doing what we can do and should do).
Compare:
React Respond
· Animal behavior Human behavior
· Doing what seems natural Unnatural
· Instinctual Learned
· Immediate Delayed
· Fight or flight Respond
· High emotion uncontrolled Low emotion controlled
· Child--- immature Adult--- mature
· Unaware Aware
· Imprisoned Freedom
Responding is a process and needs to be applied in the 13C processes of growth. There are no quick fixes to the life long journey. Learning and growing begins with the most basic process: Our thoughts coalesce into attitudes,
Our attitudes incline us to actions,
Our actions, when repeated, create habits,
Our habits consolidate into our character,
Our character predetermines our destiny.
It is my strong conviction and experience that unhappy dysfunctional persons and families have never learned the 13C processes necessary for success. There are two million people locked up behind prison bars, but many more persons not behind bars are imprisoned in bad attitudes and habits. They haven’t learned inner freedom.
Family Power clearly outlines the processes and ways to achieve wise choices, success, harmony, unity interdependence and joy. The basic process in all 13C lessons is discovering and learning the twelve Essential Inner Nutrients of Growth (EING):
Discover new positive EMOTIONS…overcome negatives with positive thoughts.
Discover the POWER OF DESIRES AND IMAGINATION…wishes…dreams
Set new SPECIFIC PURPOSES, PLANS AND GOALS
Set new VALUES, PRIORITIES, PRINCIPLES AND BELIEFS…create conscience
CHOOSE RESPONSE/ABLY…freedom of choice
ACT RESPONSE/ABLY…
PERSEVERE RESPONSE/ABLY
BECOME RESPONSE/ABLE…respond…not react
Change ATTITUDES AND HABITS
The virtuous life with success and happiness in relationships, parenting and partnering is assured when persons are committed to the 13C processes:
Growing together in CREATIVITY…work…play…producing something useful or beautiful.
Growing by learning COMMUNICATION SKILLS, getting better connected with others…building bridges.
Growing to RESOLVE CONFLICTS better…make peace…harmony and unity with diversity…Seven positive actions.
Growing to inspire CONFIDENCE..build trust…respect…hope…self worth….courage…human didgnity.
Growing in COMPASSION, caring and empathy…understand and suffer with others who suffer.
Growing in CAREFULLNESS…dare to adventure…manage risk taking.
Growing in CONCERN…responding to the needs of self and others.
Growing in CHOICE…seven steps to choosing response/ably.
Growing in capacity to CHANGE…adapt…transform and renew attitudes and habits.
Growing in STRESS MANAGEMENT…how to manage any adversity or circumstance.
Growing in MONEY MANAGEMENT…financial freedom.
Growing in FAMILY UNITY…harmony, interdependence and joy.
The words in the GLOSSARY represent my perceptions of the meaning these words have for me. There is much room for disagreement with my view, because so many of these words are very abstract and difficult to define. It may even be impossible to define God or Life, but my search for their significance has challenged me to try. I expect and respect others’ definitions and don’t know how universally there definitions will be accepted. However, in these 122 words you will have at least a frame of reference to enrich our dialog.
The 18 LAWS UNDERGIRDING HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS, likewise, will give opportunities for dialog. I believe that there are certain laws beyond the Ten Commandments that will forever determine our success in relationships. The list found in the last pages of this book could be expanded, but I prefer learning processes and the power of words rather than learning laws. Laws made in the halls of Congress or state governments are very complex and don’t seem to be very effective in regulating human behavior. My hope is that this book simplifies our human behavior and tells why we do both stupid and noble things in our journey of life.
Powerful Partnering, E.L. Hollenberg, MD
With Words I Never Learned in Medical School
This book is a most concentrated source for possible personal or curricular changes. Upon reviewing the excerpts below you will be urged to explore and study the entire text.This book shows how most failures in medical partnerships, doctor-patient
relationships, marriages and families are due to lack of awareness of the twelve processes essential for successful partnering.
These processes are:
Creativity (personal growth)
Communications
Conflict resolution
Confidence (trust)
Compassion
Carefulness (risk management)
Concern (service)
Choice
Change
Control over Stress
Control over Finances
Control in the Family
To achieve excellence and effective partnering we must teach and live these twelve powerful processes in our homes, offices and schools. The principles and new paradigms in this book show how to prevent broken and stressful relationships, restoring joy and unity in partnering.This book is an excellent resource for residency training programs which must rise to the challenges of the ACGME (Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education). The new guidelines for accreditation must be met with vigor and new insights for training physicians to strive for excellence in human relationships. Upon reviewing the excerpts below you will be urged to explore and study the entire text. This is a must read for all physicians who desire to improve their doctor-patients relationships
EXCERPTS
POWERFUL PARTNERING...
With Words I Never Learned in Medical School
Success in partnering is that journey aspiring to excellence in living, loving, serving and growing into our full potential. Excellence is achieved by education of character. Education is not the stuffing our minds with facts, knowledge and technology, but rather discovering, challenging and nurturing our creative imagination. We grow by changing our attitudes which were largely set before we were six years old. The process of changing attitudes is accomplished by processes of our mind, these twelve Essential Inner Nutrients of Growth (EING's):
1. Inner awareness-"Know Thyself" -look inward, the internal environment.
2. Inner freedom-to discover, make mistakes-try new ways.
3. Thinking-questioning, reasoning, solving problems, assessing-left brain.
4. Feeling-managing emotions to respond or react appropriately.
5. Desiring-creating images, imagination, aspiring, dreaming-right brain.
6. Set purpose-specific plans, goals, meaning of life.
7. Set priorities-value systems placed in order of importance.
8. Choose freely-the faculty of free will selects our options that are predetermined by our thoughts, feelings, desires, purposes and values. We choose by our attitudes.
9. Act-react or respond to stimuli and circumstances, largely predetermined by our attitudes and habits.
10. Persevere-continuous commitment to action, urged on by the belief that the highest good will come, regardless of adversity or circumstance.
11. Become response/able-the acquired ability to respond (adapt), not react (maladapt) in behavior.
12. Change our attitudes -transforms us to grow in new ways.
Twelve Essential Processes for Successful Partnering:
I Creativity (growth, above)
II Communications ss the key process to establishing and maintaining rapport, a connection with the uniqueness of persons. Effective listening, emphasis on nonverbal signs and speaking-building bridges.
III Conflict Resolution
The process in a struggle-embrace relationship for change regarding differing expectations, needs, wants, perceptions, passions, principles, priorities and purposes. Make every conflict a crisis opportunity for new growth-learn clean fighting.
IV Confidence
Grow in the process of believing in ourselves, other persons and a Higher Power, our worth as persons to inspire trust, respect, hope, courage and dignity.
V Compassion
Learn to suffer with others to help through healing of sickness, pain or circumstances to grow again.
VI Carefulness
Learning to become aware of taking risks, the potentials, and pitfalls by becoming thorough, vigilant and wary-managing risk.
VII Concern
Learning to serve others, responding with individual consideration to their needs.
VIII Choice
Learning how to set priorities and select options wisely-matters of conscience and ethics.
IX Change
Learning the process of renewing, restructuring or transforming our attitudes which yield a new direction, identity (inner) and destiny-becoming Change Masters.
X Control over Stress
Learning to manage those thoughts and circumstances which challenge us to adapt in a positive manner-power of preventive medicine.
XI Control over Practice
Learning to manage and balance the Art, Science, Attitudes, and Business of medicine-masters of finance.
XII Control in Family
Learning to manage the unity of persons committed to each other in loving relationships for growth, sharing of common needs, purposes and values. Successful marriages are harmonious, joyful and have a positive climate for each member's maximal potential for growth and intimacy.
All these processes are not adequately taught in most schools. This is the chief cause of failure in marriages and partnerships. The author has aspired in his 50 years of practice to blend his medically scientific discipline with the behavioral science and spiritual disciplines. This resulted in new paradigms for:
Character growth- pg 22
Healing- pg135
Conflict resolution- pg 81
Life- pg10
Preventive-Integrative Medicine- pg 235
Fixing the Health Care Systems- pg 250
Over 15 years in writing this book, 65 words were defined. These very abstract and difficult words were mentally massaged and explored to come alive and stand the scrutiny of time and critical thought. These words are vital to human relationships and partnering. In addition to those words and
processes listed above, here are a few more:Truth-Wisdom-Process-Commitment-Freedom. 90% of partnerships in medicine are shaky and struggling for freedom from conflict and dysfunctional relationships. Many corporations are convulsing with conflict, although not perceived by patients or the public. Failure in over 50% of marriages speaks loudly of great need for more education, understanding and wisdom in our homes. Even in couples who have been married for years, many lack joy, peace, unity and harmony in relationships. This book has many sought for answers for successful partnering and positive relationships.
