Marriage Mentoring Movement

• Can increase your happiness and success rate to
  95% confidence in your marriage.
• Can decrease your chances of divorce to 3% (national
  average is more than 50%)
• Can be the best investment in time and money you will
  ever spend to make your marriage a lasting experience of harmony, unity, peace, joy, love and personal growth.
• Can acquaint you with some of the basic principles and
  processes for successful partnering derived from the book "Powerful Partnering...With Words I Never Learned in Medical School."

Inventory for Successful Partnering
Copyright E.L. Hollenberg, MD 2003

Mission:

• Prepare for Partnerships in Marriage.
• Facilitate Growth for Partnering and Parenting in Marriage.
• Help in the Healing of Stressful Marriages.

Goals - Marriage Mentors are committed to:

• Identifying processes for success or failure before marriage.
• Providing marriage insurance with confidence of 95% success.
• Reducing divorce rates significantly.
• Restoring confidence in the benefits of marriage.
• Strengthening families aspiring to excellence and joy.
• Reconciling couples living separately.
• Assisting blended families to make successful transitions.

Plan:

• Identify mentors, couples with solid, successful marriages
  greater than 15 years duration.
• Train mentors to monitor the Marriage Inventory for Successful
  Partnering (MISP).
• Mentor couples one at a time.

Procedure:

1. Offer the Inventory to couples who are significantly committed in their relationship and desire to explore the potential for success and lasting growth.
2. Provide a tool for identifying common goals and interests between partners.
3. Provide a tool for identifying present or potential problem areas in a marriage relationship.
4. Provide counseling through meetings with trained mentors.

This inventory is designed to give you a high degree of confidence that your marriage will be successful or can be improved. A successful relationship is the desire of all couples who marry or in couples cohabiting. This survey will test your commitment to understanding each other and clarify your expectations. These questions can prevent unwanted surprises that could shatter your dreams.

This personal self-examination will take about two hours if you give each question thoughtful and truthful consideration. It is an exercise of looking inward, getting to know yourself. Perhaps this is the first time you have had the opportunity to learn about the unique person that you really are. The better you know yourself, the better you will be prepared to negotiate differences with your beloved. Each answer is yours to claim as your own. Accept them as truly valid.

As important as it is to know your unique personality and character traits, it is more important to begin learning of the powerful processes in marriage and partnership necessary for success. There are twelve that are outlined in my book, "Powerful Partnering, With Words I Never Learned in Medical School." Most marriages fail because of the failure to learn and understand those twelve processes in partnering.

Process means "HOW TO" do something. Most people have had less training in the processes than is desirable. All twelve are lifelong endeavors. They aren't taught in any school to the extent they should be.

Some persons were lucky to have grown up in homes that modeled good skills
in partnering. These skills can be learned by most everyone, though it is harder for some whose early home life did not have good mentors or models.

Some marriages should not happen. That is because of wide differences in
personality, expectations, desires, priorities and purposes. It is best to
discover early the combinations unlikely to succeed. There will always be many differences, but what holds people together is finding a lot of common ground. Similarities of background, likes, interests, goals, life purposes and value should be discovered early on. The more things in common, the better.

Openness and honesty is the foundation for building trust. Therefore, this
exercise will begin to open to each other your inner selves. You will also
reveal to your mentors a great deal of yourselves, private matters. You can trust the mentors to keep confidential all these very intimate questions.

Mentor means wise counselor. Your mentoring couple has gained, through
experience, some of the things that do and do not work in partnering. Most
mentors are themselves still learning. Remember, even in the most excellent
marriages there has to be continuous learning, adapting and growth. Your
mentors will be available by appointment after you finish your inventory.
You must complete the paper work by yourself, alone. The collaboration comes with the mentors.

Marriage takes a lot of work, even with the best combination of partners. It is one of life's greatest challenges, but gives the greatest rewards life can offer.

This work is oriented to processes, doesn't dwell on problems. Some problems can never be solved, but we can learn to manage them. It is amazing how many problem marriages can be successful if partners commit to learning the processes. Just doing what comes naturally and letting things happen is a sure way to disaster in marriage. There is a lot to learn, but having fun and enjoying the challenges of learning the processes will pay off greatly.

After you have each filled out the questionnaire, you will meet with your mentors. This couple will offer their experience and interest in your behalf. They will be a mediator and sounding board for your questions and discussions. It is not their position to advise you or persuade you to marry or not to marry!!!! You should have fun and excitement comparing your answers. Do not be dismayed by some differences. Look for the strong common ground!!! You will probably have some surprises, better now than later. Only you can decide what you want to do about your findings. Relax and enjoy beginning this adventure in positive dynamic ways.

Success will be yours as you pursue and persevere in the most important choice of relationships in your life.!!!